The start of a new/renewed practice?

Today I decided to stick with the Knight of Cups but to look at a different deck to see if I can learn anymore about how this card can help me see my life. Today I pulled up an image from Steven Bright’s tarot blog Tiferettarot.wordpress.com. My hope is that he will make these blog images into a deck. I love his simple modern take on the cards.

Here is my sketch:

It is a very simple design. As I added color I thought about this version of the card. It is so interesting how this modern images gives much of the same message as the Rider Waite Smith card. The male figure in the card has paused as if in thought. Behind him is a large body of water and what looks like a lighthouse in the distance. What really gets my attention is the big lovely full moon. Under the silvery light of the moon our Knight pauses. There is so much water all around him…even in his cup. And mystery and questions about these emotional issues are highlighted by the moonlight. Is it as it seems by the light of the full moon or is it illusion? Are these emotions as they seem is he not seeing them “in the light of day?” The Knight looks into his cup. Is he comparing his emotions to all of those going on around him? Or is it that he feels as if his life is filled with emotion? Does the lighthouse help lead his way? I don’t see a beam… Maybe the Knight feels like he is adrift without a guide.

I feel like this image is telliing me that although I feel lost in my emotions that my vision is getting clearer. I can use my intuition to help guide me when I can not clearly see what to do (the moon in the darkness and the unlit lighthouse). Emotions are the focus. And again pausing to look. Into myself (my cup) and my life (the landscape).

This image really does sum up how I am feeling. There is a great deal going on in my life emotionally. I will pause knowing the answers won’t be revealed out right, (by the light of day) at least right now. I will need to feel my way and trust. Trust myself and my intuition.

A good lesson from today’s practice. What do you think? Please let me know. Have a wonderful day!

Spilling My Fears, Using my Practices to Help Me Through

It is Sunday. I feel like my world is coming apart. Emotionally I am raw, disappointed, but mostly angry and so very scared, worried, and down.

At work I have a new job, a new set of tasks, completely new to me and to my employer. They restructured all the offices to accommodate a huge change. I have been training for the first part of implementation… which was really just getting set for the real change that will happen in 10 days or so. I have worked really hard to make this transition because I especially care about some of the people in charge of these changes. But I am so very fearful. There seems to be a complete and utter lack of understanding of what the job (the work, the time it takes) entails… Truthfully, I don’t think many of management wants to know. They made an arbitrary decision on what would work without any knowledge of what the job requirements were. The dice were cast. Now, as we get closer to complete implementation, I am scared out of my wits. The introductory stage of the process is barely coming together. I can’t see this situation turning out successfully. I feel so trapped. I feel like I have been set up to fail… something I hate… I feel like I have been set up to disappoint people I respect… something I hate even worse. It makes me really angry… and that anger has morphed into depression, stress, and worry.

There are four of us in this new position. None of the others care too much about it. It is just a job. I feel like, for them, if it works out that’s great… if not, so what. Paychecks and incoming finances are the BIG WHAT. There will be a lot of unhappy big wigs and a whole lot of very unhappy employees if paychecks can’t go out because the grand vision didn’t work.

I wish I could do what I can do and not worry (even if that is all I can do, anyway). It is one of my biggest challenges. Worrying will get me nowhere. But all weekend I have been tied up in knots. All I can think of is I am going to fail and let everyone down. I just want to run away and hide. If I could, I would do the ultimate runaway, and quit. Just to get away from all these negative feelings. That is bad, isn’t it? Wanting to run away and not dealing? I am just so tired and wornout with all these feelings. I wish I knew what to do to let go… maybe see things from a different perspective. I just don’t know how.

It is my greatest hope that spilling my fears on this page will somehow lessen these negative feelings and help me get a grip on things.

 

 

Sojourn 6: My Examples

So how did your week go? Did you actually try journaling, then decorating your page afterwards, even just once?

How did you feel about the journaling? Do you feel anything after doing this process? Relieved? Productive? Cleared?

What color pen/s did you use? How did you like using your pen choice? Was it easy to write with? If not, did it affect how you were able to spill your ideas onto the page? The first pen I picked to use was what I thought was a light purple color… but it turned out darker than I thought. I wasn’t sure how the darker ink would work out with writing on top of it. The second pen, a thin, lime green, crayola marker… turned out to be dried out as you can see below. It got lighter and lighter as I spilled down the page. I am not too hip on using a marker. I think I have been spoiled by some of the smooth writing ball points and gel pens… but the experience still was fine.

When it came to jotting down notes about what I wrote, I have to admit that the lighter the pen the harder it was for me to read and pick out what I wanted to focus on. So as the week went on, I actually would put a star beside a line or section I wanted to note as I wrote it. Starring the section didn’t seem to take away from the flow of the journaling but helped me locate what I wanted to note after I was done will the journal spillage. So, I think I will continue to do that.

Next came decorating. On this page I chose to tear out collage elements that I liked and glued them on the page with a cheapie glue stick. Not a whole lot of thought. Just grabbed a handful of magazine images, picked a few out that seemed to go, than arranged them on the page. Glued them down. It took maybe 15 minutes at the most.

The main image… the girl in the left corner… seemed to blend in a bit more than I wanted. I grabbed a red water soluble crayon, outlined some of the collage pieces, including my girl image… then smudged it really well with my fingers. And it made it pop out of the page a bit more. Then I took my black waterproof pen and my white uniball ink pen and doodled, did my lettering and added the things I decided to write down on my scrap paper. And of course HAD FUN!

 

To be honest, my loudmouth inner critic, tells me this is a really lousy page… the lettering is just terrible, it is too busy… on and on. Again, your inner critic will probably often tell you that any artsy endeavour you do is not good enough! The truth is it doesn’t matter. I will alway like looking at the pictures I chose to add to my collage… that’s why I chose them. The rest was all fun! It really is okay to have fun… And you have a memory of your fun to boot! Looking at the page makes me smile. I journaled and have a fun, funky, interesting page. A page that will remind me of the important things that I journaled about. A page that is so much more than a page filled with written journaling.

 

This is my doodle page. I took my black brush marker and started to doodle some flowers, quick. Not much thought. I even added the my Hibiscus Happiness zen doodle design in the middle (I made it up myself).

Again, I grabbed my scrap sheet and added the items I wanted to remember on to me doodle page.

It could have been done. But I decided I wanted to take a little more time to unwind, so I got out the crayons and…

 

I hope you tried Sojourn 6… and if not… maybe decide now to give it a try! Please, I would love to hear from you! Make a comment below and let me know how it went!

Tune in tomorrow for Sojourn 7!

 

The Mountain and the Nightlight: a fable for Journaling and life in general.

This last year has been one difficulty and challenges after another for me. I gained 75 pounds, lost all almost all of the family that lived close to me, had to give up a job position I loved because of crazy long hours that were made unbearable due to life happenings going on at home. I became a couch slug. Whenever I came home I was too exhausted to do anything but vegetate. The normal habits of taking care of myself and the house just fell by the wayside. They felt too hard. They felt impossible. How would I ever get back into shape and be healthy when I couldn’t seem to stick to a healthy eating plan let alone get off my butt to exercise? How could I get my home back into shape when I was too exhausted to cook dinner when I get home? I would generally never share all this with you… I do now, because this situation was my mountain. It looked insurmountable! It made me feel like a loser. It made me feel terrible. It made me feel hopeless.

Funny enough, as I was trolling for sample books on Kindle I found Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Really Hard by Chip Heath and Dan Heath {click} It was all about how to motivate change for yourself and others. What an amazing book. In the first couple of chapters, Switch explained that no matter how big and insurmountable a change may be there is a trick to finding a way to change that is crazy easy. That is where our nightlight comes in. You need to focus on the bright spots in the area you need to change and forget about all the problems that you can’t deal with. For example, the “mountain” of figuring out how to get fit and lose weight is made much easier if I shine my “nightlight” on what has worked in the past. Focus on that. Not on the other problematic stuff. Just the bright spots that your find. For me, my “nightlight” brought to mind my Trikke. My Trikke is a bike kind of vehicle that I love to ride. It folds down so I can keep it in my car and use it whenever I can find the time. And it is fun. It isn’t like exercise but a relaxing, yet a good cardio workout. Focusing on that, I actually worked out three times this week. Three times! It was effortless and fun! And it showed… I might be able to get over that mountain… I might be able to do this, really do this. Which is really amazing. I haven’t felt good about my mountain situation in so long.

If you want to see what Trikking is all about here is a cool video.  No, that’s not me and it couldn’t be farther away from my West Coast Florida home but I think you can see why Trikking is my “nightlight” to my mountain!

 

 

Journaling can be the same way (as well as any number of other things in your life). You can focus on all the things you don’t know or are uncomfortable doing (your mountain) when all you have to do is find one or two things that work (shine that nightlight) and focus on them… So do you have a Mountain in your life? If yes, relax and think about where your bright spots. See if strictly focusing on your Nightlights and not worrying about the Mountain helps.

Clogged… no spillage.

 I have not gotten into a daily habit of Spilling. Establishing habits for me, especially new ones, is very difficult. I seem to do well for a couple of days… then I get distracted. Like with all the information that I have to consider about blogging. There is no point in me going into details but the more I look into whether I am on the right format for me, the more things I find I should consider for the long run. And I do see the value in at least attempting to have a plan for the future.

I had decided to stick with one blog provider when I found that another has a lot of behind the scenes set-up options that make my blog easier for people to find and interact with. So for the past few nights I have been going back and forth between my old blog set up and a possible new (one) to see if it would be worth the change over. At first I decided no, the new blog was not as user friendly to set up and it was looking like it would be a giant struggle… but it had lots of cool stuff that would improve readability organizing my blog in a way that would just make much more sense. Sadly, this struggle kept me from spilling. Silly girl that I am. I tell you to take 5 minutes if that is all you have. What do I do? I don’t follow my own advise.

So after another night of struggling with setting up this new blog, I finally remembered the point. The point of this blog, of the practice I let fall by the wayside, yet again. To take just a bit of time if that is all I have and spill it. So here I am. If like me you are caught up in a project, or chores, or life in general and have been forgetting or just plain putting off your journaling practice, all I ask is for you to reconsider. For just five minutes (or more, if you can spare it). Doodle, journal about your day, tape pictures… just do a bit. You might be surprised how good that little bit of peace you get from just knowing you took time to stay with it can give you!

 

Welcome to Spilling Life. I am so glad you are here!

This blog is dedicated to everything journaling.  Especially those practices that help you spill your life in a journal, on a canvas, on a napkin, on a blog, in a book!  I will make personal blog post discussing daily issues and how they relate to my jounaling practice and my life.  I also want to make this a special place where you can find lists, review, suggestions of books, magazines, and classes that relate to journaling in all its many forms.  My hope is to make this an interactive blog.  I have included Sojourns, journaling exercises, that I hope you will try out! Then comment, ask questions, let me know what you think!

And please, please, please, pardon my electronic dust.  I am learning how to create this blog as I go.  From day to day for the next couple of weeks, you might see lots of changes, maybe some blank spots…  and some leaness on content.  I have photos and videos and lists, and review all waiting to be added.  Some have been easier to add, some more difficult but please, stop by from time to time, to see what is new.  Again, thank you so much for stopping!  Hope to see you again soon!