Life Happened…

Or not so much.  What I mean is that shortly after my last post I ended up in a mental and creative downward spiral.  I didn’t want to journal, do art… clean, exercise… I did sleep.  Lots and lots of sleeping.  I really didn’t know exactly what was happening.  I just knew I felt exhausted, old and tired. All the time.

I spoke with my doctor and my husband and couldn’t quite explain why I felt this way.  I was so tired and down.  It just seemed to get worse and worse.  Was it my thyroid?  My weight?  My heart?  Lack of exercise?  Too much sleep?  Too much stress? I didn’t know for sure. This rut just seem to linger on and on.

Then last week I heard a clip from the Delilah Radio show.  “What made you happy today?” The radio show host asked.  “Did you read a good book, garden in the sun, spend time with a dear friend…?”  I thought about that.  No.  I didn’t just not do anything like that on that particular day, I couldn’t remember the last time I did.  And that simple sentence that came over the radio waves created a spark.  A tiny little spark but a spark all the same. It spread a bit of light in all that overwhelming darkness.

And as I started really seeing what had happened to my life, I began to wonder why.  How did I get here?

As I thought about it I realized that around the time I gave up on this blog and my art journaling… and art in general. I had made a decision.  I decided to give up on my artistic dream.  In doing that I gave up on myself and my purpose in life.  I felt like I had missed my “chance” and could see no way to recover.  The result was: my life. It wasn’t pretty or pleasant.

Having this realization seemed to crack open a bit of my creative soul and I began to see life as more hopeful. I actually started to see different ways to move forward in a creative way. Missing that “chance” didn’t seem fatal anymore.  I actually picked up some paint and worked on some art journal backgrounds for the first time in what seemed to be forever.

So yet again, I start.  Taking baby steps forward.

I am so grateful that I finally have begun to see.

I only had a few minutes this morning so I did a couple of minutes of quick exercise and a few minutes with my art journal.

I opened up my journal, grabbed an old Elle magazine and started to tear out elements. Anything that reminded me about how I want to feel.

That it.  All the time I had. But it is a beginning.

A fresh start.

=)

 

 

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