I haven’t written in a while. Partly because of my disappointment. I knew that anyone finding my blog would be a miracle… but still I thought that once I was listed on the main search engines my posts might come up… even if it was on page 148. But no, none of them ever came up when I looked. I had hopes of finding like-minded people to share with. But when I looked at my blog numbers every day… it was just plain sad.
I had made such an effort to consistently get blog posts ready and posted. I had to do it. Had to have it ready. Each week it became harder and harder… and at first I thought it was the numbers thing… no one can find me… why bother. But really it was something even more insidious…I had made my blog a chore. A got to do, should do… better do… or else… big fat chore!
I realized I had made lots of things I love to do… art journaling, blogging… making art… into a big hairy chore. When I came home, dog tired from work, I would tell myself… you have to ____ . Maybe it would be keep up on my art journal, or write my blog… or do some kind of art – that I would fill the blank with. It is little wonder that little by little the happiness and joy I had found recording my day, or sharing art journaling stuff just vanished, so that I really didn’t want to ANY of them.
So I decided to give myself a break. If I felt like working on a creative endeavor… I did. If not… I promised myself to be good with it. No more: Shoulds, Have tos, Better dos, or Gotta dos. My hope was that the spark might come back. And the truth of it is it might not. I have crushed a lot of creative fires in the past by doing this to myself… and the fire never did come back. But this week, it did a bit. I did a little bit of work on my Junk Journal and did my daily Midori Planner entries as I felt like it. And today I decided to blog. My hope is that the fire will reignite for art journaling and blogging. But for now… today… I will be happy with what is. That is a firefly blink of a spark.
Has this happened to you? I would love to hear from you!